Chapter one

A day in January. a happy one for my mom and dad. It was cold, but This day warmed the hearts of my parents. I was born. Two years later in May, our hearts and our family grew. This day was the day my brother was born. I was such a proud big sister, and I still am to this very day.

My brother

My Brother 

(Haven’t wrote in a LONG while .. but here it is)

[posting this late]

Today marks TWO whole weeks since you’ve left the earth today. 

It has been dark because we no longer have that infectious smile to light our way . 

We will remember you NOT by your mistake, but by your hard dedicated work. 

To make everyone smile with you, and forget their own hurt. 

You made a great father, uncle, brother, and son 

And when you were around , you made sure we always had fun. 

You had amazing friends and family, Who will love you until our end. 

Goodbye for now my sweet brother , until we meet again.

My brother Craig sadly passed away on April 17th 2020.

He was my best friend, my sons hero, and leaves behind his beautiful daughter Hayleigh.

At the age of 24 he has left the world way to soon. 

God must have needed an angel.

❤️♾

hi!

I've had a lot of change since my last posts years ago of my poems. I am currently thinking of posting a story of my life now. Each blog will be chapters of my life that go back as far as I can remember as a child. I haven't had much time to sit down and put my emotions into poems anymore since I became a mom in 2013, and will only post when I get the chance to.
I hope my story will touch someone, or help them in someway one day.
But as of now, this is just a way for me to vent, since I'm in a position right now where I'm feeling overwhelmed with emotions.

Keep checking for updates, xoxo

Fear

Fear

I fear about over coming my fear.

Why am I mad at myself if it's not me I fear?

Maybe because I can't do anything about it,

Except over come it.

But I can't because I fear of it.

It's like the water cycle,

Repetitive.

So why don't I drown myself in it?

Forceful to over come my fear.

Written by : Kristen McGowan

Ripped up

Ripped up

Her pain deep inside her chest,

Tears slowly running down her cheeks,

Spilling out from her gray swollen eyes.

Her constant lack of sleep,

Keeping her drained and tired.

Unready to face the bigger part of life.

Her memories will soon be forgotten,

Her name will no longer be mentioned.

Just a girl living in a large world,

Captured in a small dark space.

With no one to associate with but her broken reflection,

Who doesn't talk back.

Written by : Kristen McGowan

Your little girl

Your little Girl

I just wanna be your little girl.

The one your not afraid to hold,

No matter how old.

But you kept pushing me away.

I remember when you left me,

It was just before May.

April 7th was the day.

Daddy I love you, but you chose your life.

You abandoned your kids and wife.

good-bye father, good luck to you.

For I can't love someone who's not here for us too !

Written by : Kristen McGowan

Wish you were here

Wish you were here

The cold dead leaves falls from the trees,

Then finally the snow falls down.

Covering your body, mind and soul in a white warm blanket.

I've been missing you lately,

And often you've been mentioned.

My eyes close,

My teeth clench,

And your soft voice plays over in my head.

Your scent encircling the room.

Wish you were here.

Written by : Kristen McGowan

Life

Life

Heart races fast,

Breathing stops.

I see the light.

I try to turn back and don't remember anything.

It's time to start new.

Hearts beating normal,

Breathing more controllable.

Time to be me,

It's time to set free.

Written by: Kristen McGowan

Angel

Angel

The days go by without you here,

If only I could change back the hands of time when you were near.

The soft blanket of snow no longer cold,

Because of the heat of the heart you hold.

Your spirit so loving, caring, free,

I'll never forget that day,

May Twenty-Three.

My heart torn up,

Eyes start to cry,

Drop to my knees and wonder why?

But then I remember your face before rest....

It must be because God only takes the best!

Written by : Kristen McGowan

My Uncle

My Uncle

I seen you in my dreams last night,

But were you really there?

The days pass by too fast it seems,

and your death I can not bare.

Often I've been thinking of you, and asking God why?

He said he needed an angel above so he gave you wings to fly.

As you soar over me, you whisper in my ear..

In your heart I'll always be so never, ever fear.

Written by: Kristen McGowan

Life is a Dream

Life is a Dream

Life is a dream for me.

Many people dream of themselves dying and me..

Iv'e tried over 300 times to make it happen.

But what I don't understand is that it's always for the same reasons;

regret, hatred, love, and all together adds up to one word.

Depression Iv'e been depressed for most of my life

but now that I'm older I take action to try and make it go away

Crying helps you heal is what people tell me 

but every time I cry it makes it one step harder for me to breath.

Life the one word that describes the hardest math problem

It's almost impossible to crack open for the answer

not even Enstine could solve this problem

so that is why we come to death.

Death cause once were dead be get a break from all that thinking about the unsolvable riddle life

and our minds set free 

what a beautiful thing.

so maybe death Isn't that bad after all 

that is what I dream.

Written by: Kristen McGowan